Dear reader,
Thank you for opening another Within letter.
A click of the ♡ button makes a difference. So does sharing these pieces.
If you are holding onto expectations about who you are supposed to be, how things should have turned out, what you could have done differently, what could happen next, then you are holding up a barrier to the life you deserve to be living now.
If you haven’t forgiven or let go of something from the past, the energetic imprint of the pain, and the meaning you gave the event stays active and gets projected through the lens of the present moment.
This is what a trigger appears as: an energetic imprint of a painful event activated in the present moment.
To go a little deeper. All events from your past get stored in your cellular memory (or subconscious mind). So, whenever an event causes you emotional pain that goes unresolved and unprocessed (usually from the age of 0–7), you will almost always simultaneously produce an incorrect belief through a misinterpretation of the event.
Beliefs such as: “What happened meant something negative about me,” or “Love isn’t available to me. I am alone. I am unworthy.”
Each time a similar event from your past unfolds in the present, it triggers an unconscious activation of the corresponding memory and emotional response.
This activation shapes and controls your current experience.
So, if you have overwhelming experiences from the past—specific memories with a strong emotional charge that have not been processed—you may find yourself reliving the memories over and over again and seeing the same lifestyle themes repeating themselves.
Until you forgive yourself for still carrying the dis-empowering beliefs that you inadvertently, and understandably, created about yourself when you didn’t know any better — a time when you didn’t know how to self-soothe or process your emotions — you will keep seeing these beliefs playing out in your present-day life.
You are loved
You are loved.
You are worthy.
You are not alone.
How do you start the process of self-forgiveness?
Bring light and loving awareness to every part of you, especially the parts you might perceive as negative, the parts holding onto anger, resentment, shame, and unworthiness—the parts you have unconsciously pushed away.
Recognise that every part of you including the tough inner critic, the compulsive part, the outspoken part, the shrinking part, are all simply trying to protect you from further emotional pain.
Create a safe resource within yourself, and gently invite the younger parts frozen in time and still hurting to step forward and share their story.
Ask questions, and track the origins of your dis-empowering beliefs through journaling and meditation. Some common core beliefs are: I am alone. I am not good enough. I am not worthy of love. I am not confident. I am ashamed.
Uproot the mistaken belief: see the event clearly through a safe, calm, adult lens. Allow yourself to recognise a more accurate interpretation of the event.
Repeat this affirmation: “I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that whatever happened meant something about me. I forgive myself for ever believing that I’m not good enough.
I’m sorry, I love you, forgive me, thank you.”
Emotions cloud your vision; they create a wall of fog that causes you to blend the facts with incorrect beliefs about yourself and your life.
Examples of misinterpretations are:
If there isn’t enough money in your bank it doesn’t mean that your life won’t get any better because of it.
If somebody is unkind to you it doesn’t mean that you are unworthy or inferior because of it.
If your partner ends the relationship it doesn’t mean that your life will never be the same again.
Remember: what is most important to heal is the cellular memory and the fear signal that it transmits.
In order to let go of past events that trigger these responses, the old belief that was created must be removed and replaced with a new belief.
Affirmations placed over the top of core limiting beliefs won’t work in the long term because the conscious mind is controlled by subconscious programming.
This is why the original belief needs to be discovered and healed at the root before the new beliefs can be planted.
Healing is a process.
If you love yourself throughout the process
then you are healing.
Be kind to yourself.
Forgiveness - reminder
Sometimes, the feeling of being wounded is not caused by what happened to us in the past but instead by our inability to stay present, open and accepting in the face of what happened.
Presence, safety, stillness heals.
Small, embodied actions help you deepen your capacity to sit with yourself and process the emotions you are too afraid to feel.
An invitation to rest in presence:
What would happen if I closed my eyes and placed my hand on my heart for a moment?
How is my heart?
What does joy look like for me in this moment?
Within is a weekly (news) letter. Please feel free to share parts of the letter that connect with you on social media, or send to someone you love. To find out more about my books and my healing work, visit my website.
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‘Until you forgive yourself for still carrying the dis-empowering beliefs that you inadvertently, and understandably, created about yourself when you didn’t know any better —‘ …so much wisdom here beauty ❤️❤️❤️ love you 🥰
'...specific memories with a strong emotional charge that have not been processed...'
Well said points, April. It shows how important it is that we make the effort to properly understand and process our emotional pains and struggles. Such efforts are key to our proper healing.