On being here now

and immersing yourself into the ordinary, turning it into gold

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A week in the Highlands of Scotland

My swimming family back in York couldn’t quite believe my proximity to Loch Long during my recent holiday to the Scottish Highlands. Neither could I.

I love cabins off the beaten track—small spaces with huge views. This one has to be my favourite of all time.

I did a lot of writing here: I finished my book proposal and started on the actual book. I also swam in the loch at 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. and did yoga on the balcony beneath the gaze of the mountains, the ice-cold water, and the whole gold sun.  I bathed late at night when the light shifted, and the water turned to deep mauves and midnight blues. A solitary cloud between two mountain peaks looked like a feathered moon, and I remembered that wherever we are, whatever we’re going through, we are already whole. We just don’t always feel it.

I thought about my journey up to this moment, how I spent the best part of twenty years waiting for something to happen — waiting for the loneliness to pass, the addiction to end, and the pain of being me to leave.

I hated the ordinary. I wanted to reach a place where everything felt extraordinary.

The irony is that the life I was dreaming about was quietly building itself in the background. But I wasn’t grounded in my body enough to notice. I wasn’t “here.”

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It took me years of writing, deep healing, and therapy to find out how to be myself, how to live with the (extraordinary) reality of life.

I allow the present moment
to take me inward,
to the familiarity of
knowing who I am
and not to the longing
for being anything more
than that.

Missing the gifts

If you find yourself going through life in a way that causes you to miss the present moment, either because you’re too focused on the future or dwelling in the past, take a moment to reflect on whether it’s because you’re unhappy with what you currently have. Furthermore, if what you currently have are intense emotions such as fear, sadness, and grief, they may be the reason you are wanting to escape the present moment.

In fact, they may be the only reason you’re wanting to be somewhere other than where you currently are.

And if you’re anything like I used to be, you will believe that how you’re feeling has something to do with you, that it’s your fault, or that there’s something wrong with you.

Please understand that this is not so. It is just another way you learned to protect yourself from feeling inner pain—by blaming yourself.

It is not your fault.

Your pain is rooted deeply in childhood experiences and conditioning to the point where it is unconscious. You have forgotten that you are inherently worthy, divine, and unconditionally loved.

What I’ve learned about unconscious wounds over the years is this: each time you attempt to distract yourself from how you feel, your emotions don’t get processed, so how you truly feel doesn’t ever get resolved. Instead, the frequency of the trapped emotions attract more experiences and circumstances that align with them. Sadness attracts more sadness. Fear attracts more fear.

This is because these emotions are seeking to be completed; they want to be free.

Softening

It’s normal to look towards the distance, hoping to catch a glimmer of light when your current reality feels dark.

Sometimes, it’s essential: a necessary distraction when life threatens to become too overwhelming.

But what if you could always live with the feeling of safety and see more of life’s little miracles? What if you could allow the contracted parts of you to start softening? What if you could hold them in such a way that doesn’t cause you to run? What if you could stop suppressing, waiting, and turning away and instead start opening yourself up to more of life and what you deserve?

A new possibility

Searching for better feelings isn’t wrong — it is what we were taught to do. It is what every mindset practice teaches us to do.

But life works better when you release the trapped emotions first.

You work better.

Take a moment to think about how it could feel to empty yourself of the old life.

Imagine your body is a book—bursting with memorabilia, letters and excerpts of your life.

Something has to leave before anything new and fresh can enter.

And even if what enters is a new resentment, a new fear, or a new sadness — when it has nothing to resonate with, it will leave without trace.

You can learn how to do this.

You can learn how to manage your emotions: allow them to flow freely and not overwhelm you with their energy.

It takes small, gentle steps.

Letting go

Sitting with your emotions doesn’t mean going back to old and painful experiences from the past. It doesn’t mean re-living heartbreak in order to be free of the energetic imprint of heartbreak.

It means gently sitting with the arising sensation instead of pushing it away.

It means welcoming the sensation and using your breath to help you explore it.

The more you tap into uncomfortable sensations like sadness, anxiety, and anger, the more you will discover that the fear of feeling these emotions hurts more than the act of feeling them.

The easiest way I have learned to get to know my trapped emotions, inner child, and authentic self, is by creating a daily ritual.

This looks like:

1. Creating a morning or evening routine of sitting in ceremony with yourself.

2. Meeting you inner child, contracted energy, and blocks, (anything that holds you back from taking the next step) with compassion. Understanding that these are younger parts of you that are afraid.

3. Listening to what your inner child, or any activated parts are telling you. What do you need to start giving yourself?

4. Getting back into your body. Your body is a safe place.

5. Performing breathwork and grounding practices so that you learn to regulate and cultivate a sense of stability.

6. Journaling whatever comes up for you — without judgement, just observing and getting curious.

7. Noticing each time you leave yourself and drift into the past or the future, or each time you feel contracted and tight.

8. Re-centering what truly matters to you — revisiting your values.

9. Anchoring intention into your day

Allowing - reminders

Life can be challenging, messy and frightening.

You are allowed to want something different whilst still valuing what you already have.

You are allowed to sit with sadness whilst also noticing glimmers of joy.

You are allowed to cry for all the different versions of yourself whilst also feeling grateful for how far you have come.

“Sometimes, I can feel the flowers
opening between my ribs and I know it’s
only a matter of time before the pain
falls away.”

Healing trapped emotions takes time. It’s okay to take slow, delicate steps.

Once you feel safe enough to bring mindfulness and presence into your reality, you will start to uncover the extraordinary within the ordinary.

You will start to find greater fulfilment in your life.

And you will notice the little miracles.

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